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New Element Discovered: Cp

See also Heaviest Element Discovered: Governmentium.

Dan Brook imaginatively writes about the discovery of a new element: Capitalisium –

best-of-all-possible-worlds.jpgCapitalisium is a very volatile, dynamic, and toxic element, containing 1 positron, 1 neutron, and 1 huge electron along with boards of electrons, various vice electrons, hundreds of executive electrons, thousands of mid-level electrons, and millions of satellite electrons, and it appears to be growing over time, therefore always increasing its already heavy atomic weight. In spite of its constant growth, Capitalisium’s nucleus is clearly on the right, yet the element is remarkably self-centered.

… Capitalisium is way larger than any other element, indeed possibly larger than all others combined, and it constantly seeks to incorporate or otherwise use the other elements to power itself. Indeed, about half the world’s power is already stored up in a mere 2% of elements — which happens to be mostly Capitalisium. To accomplish this, Capitalisium seems to use a vast and complex network of proleterions and peons, overseen by bossons, greedons, scamons, and other exploitatrons, all of which are filtered through mass marketrons. This process tends to create a small albeit caustic class of free market radicals, which spread globally and are highly corrosive to Democracium (Dm).

While consuming the energy of other elements, Capitalisium produces some necessities, but also a tremendous amount of junk and waste, which often mimic the look of necessities. Capitalisium also emits massive and unsustainable quantities of carbon dioxide (CO2), methane (CH4), and nitrous oxide (N2O), the major greenhouse gases that contribute to global warming, which may be the market’s biggest externality.

hinze-why-some-cells.jpg

Without Governmentium (Gv) and Democracium (Dm), Capitalisium may eventually destroy itself and possibly the other elements as well. Capitalisium does not care what it produces, whether soybeans or cyanide, love beads or lead bullets, necessities or waste, as long as it also produces highly-charged profitrons. Profitrons seem to materialize through the efforts of proleterions and peons acting upon other elements, catalyzed by the class of exploitatrons. Proleterions and peons do not accumulate any profitrons, shifting their surplus power to the exploitatrons instead.

cobb-military-as-economic-stimulant.jpg

Due to the fact that Capitalisium has only one positron yet so many powerful electrons, it is a highly negative force, often converting other positive and neutral elements into more negative behaviors. Paleosociological research suggests that Capitalisium was originally a positive force, but having long passed its useful half life, it is now solidly negative. Capitalisium becomes especially potent when it is combined with Governmentium, in some cases forming the highly noxious Imperialisium (Im) and the extremely deadly Fascisium (Fs). While these should be studied theoretically to devise better protective and containment gear, they should never be released from the books and laboratories back into society.

When interacting with other elements and molecules, which it aggressively seeks to do, Capitalisium inevitably makes a few grow much larger while simultaneously decreasing the size and strength of the majority. The bigger few tend to become strongly aligned with Capitalisium; however, even many of the weaker ones also align themselves with Capitalisium, seducing other elements to falsely believe it is in their best interest. Many researchers are puzzled by this paradoxical phenomenon.

Socialisium (So) has been suggested as an antidote to eliminate the toxicity of Capitalisium, but the potency and efficacy of this element are still being debated.

cobb-consume.jpg

Dan Brook, Ph.D., teaches sociology at San Jose State University and is the co-author of Understanding Society (2007) and author of Modern Revolution (2005) as well as many articles for the non-corporate media. More information about him is at www.brook.com/dan and he welcomes comments at Brook@california.com.

3 comments on “New Element Discovered: Cp

  1. JollyRoger
    13 August, 2007

    Staying immersed in Capitalisium for an extended period of time leads to the fatal brain-degenerative disorder known as Sphincter of Parishilton Syndrome. Sufferers from this malady forget history, and what inevitably happens to those immersed in Capitalisium when too many of the proleterions find themselves lacking any atomic weight.

  2. Ann El Khoury
    13 August, 2007

    :D Well-put, Jolly, and I might add the proleterions sometimes find atomic weight they never knew they had once they start exercising it.

  3. James
    1 June, 2009

    Delightfully depressing.
    I’ve noticed from listening to people bash Socialisium, that few people actually understand the philosophy and that they only see the greedy Fascisium under the name Socialisium. We need to actually explain why it is potentially beneficial, and maybe even necessary in schools.

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This entry was posted on 12 August, 2007 by in Cartoonists, Comedy, Humor, Humour, Political Economy, Politics, Racism, Satire.

Timely Reminders

"Those who crusade, not for God in themselves, but against the devil in others, never succeed in making the world better, but leave it either as it was, or sometimes perceptibly worse than what it was, before the crusade began. By thinking primarily of evil we tend, however excellent our intentions, to create occasions for evil to manifest itself."
-- Aldous Huxley

"The only war that matters is the war against the imagination. All others are subsumed by it."
-- Diane DiPrima, "Rant", from Pieces of a Song.

"It is difficult
to get the news from poems
yet men die miserably every day
for lack
of what is found there"
-- William Carlos Williams, "Asphodel, That Greeny Flower"


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